Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
