I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
