I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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