Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
