i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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