What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
