Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
