what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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