The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
