ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
