ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Say something about gay babies.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
