you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
