I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize