Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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