he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
where are my eyebrows?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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