The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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