accomplished twins. life is a go
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
