We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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