apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize