Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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