this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
