My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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