my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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