If that was your dad, he is hot
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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