Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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