Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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