Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
