apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
