:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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