I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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