idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She told me I should be a condom model.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
