He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
