Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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