is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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