; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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