Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
