Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
