nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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