Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
