I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
