i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
