So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Everclear isn't food dammit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
