somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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