she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
