in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
