thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize