McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
