doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
