mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
