So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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