i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He has the fingertips of a God
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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