Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
