I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
