the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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