So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize