Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
