Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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