She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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