whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
