census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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