I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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