Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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