I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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