Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
