It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
