Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Don't make out with my wife yet
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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