**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
