Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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