So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
