Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
