you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
