I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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