i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
