Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
