plz talk dirty to me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
