Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize