This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
