i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
