Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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