we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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