There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
