I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i out mim tonsoeep
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