I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
