Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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