I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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