Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
