Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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