I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
