Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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