apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
