Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize