just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
