For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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