...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This house was built for laser tag.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize