I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
