I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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