Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
