Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dignity is for republicans.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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