i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
