If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
