$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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