the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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