Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
