drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
