The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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