I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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