OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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