if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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