remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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