Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
