Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You may now shotgun with the bride
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
