Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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