Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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