did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
