and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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