All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Randomize
