Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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