feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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